Avoiding the Winter Cold: A Guide

Laura Phyu '25, Contributors

It’s that time of the year again. Get ready to bring out your blowtorches and six-pound winter coats. It’s going to take a lot more than a little jacket to avoid this year’s winter cold.
Anyone escaping from the treacherous hands of winter knows that they need good armor. To protect your head from the terrifying snowflakes, wear four hats in each and every color. Everyone knows that they also need to be stylish during winter.
Next up is a long and heavy winter jacket. It is very important to not freeze to death when snow starts piling up, so get rid of your little white jacket and replace it with a huge heat-producing winter coat. If heat-producing winter coats are not invented yet, you should invent it yourself.
Winter boots are essential when it comes to winter. Whether you get Uggs or Timberlands, neither will help you when you have to walk from Founders to Chaffee in the pouring snow. You need to invest in twelve-inch-tall winter boots that will keep your feet as far away from the snow as possible.
Gloves are a great accessory to avoid getting frostbite on your hands. You do not want to lose a part of your body just because you want to scroll through TikTok while walking to class.
This is totally optional, but ear muffs are a great addition to your winter armor. They will protect your ears from the cold and also block out the noise of your friends blabbering about how snow is magical and not life-threatening.
Lastly, wear your mask! Not only will it keep you warm, but it will also keep you safe from something worse than the cold: COVID-19. It also makes it less obvious that you just rolled out of bed on that chilly winter morning.
After you have assembled your armor, you need a blow torch to survive in this epic battle of snow versus you. Melt ice with it on the way to your classes.
Hot chocolate is a great drink to keep you smiling when walking to class. If the dining hall decides not to bring out the scrumptious hot chocolate, you have to take matters into your own hands and start growing cocoa beans to harvest them. After you turn them into chocolate, you can make your very own hot chocolate.
Finally, if the weather outside is truly that frightful, your safest bet is to stay inside. Don’t ever go out; avoid the cold like it’s the plague. If you follow this guide on how to avoid the winter cold, there might be a chance that you’ll actually survive this winter.