Where Christmas Decorations are Stored Off-Season

Andrew Addo '25, Contributor

Decorations give Christmas its own unique identity. Every year, billions of people take time to hang lights, get plastic reindeers, and most importantly, put up Christmas trees. However, a very important and serious question that needs to be asked is, who makes all of this Christmas stuff, and where is it stored for every month of the year other than December?
When I was up at 2:30 a.m., doing math homework and thinking about where all the Christmas lights go, I stumbled upon a revelation based on the insights from Eric Zhou ’25. Eric told me, “[Santa’s] gotta get materials to build the toys and stuff.” When asked where Santa gets the materials for said toys, Eric said, “the forest … anywhere but the Amazon.”
It’s good to know that Santa cares about protecting the environment. Regarding the forest materials, I think that Santa is actually the one building all the Christmas decorations, keeping them in some forest somewhere. It only makes sense. Santa has millions of little elves that work 24/7 making toys for little kids; it’s only right that some of that work goes into making Christmas decorations. Those little hands would work very well connecting wires inside Christmas lights and applying the right amount of glitter to an ornament.
But knowing that Santa makes decorations in some forest somewhere doesn’t really help me in fully understanding where exactly they are hidden. We know for a fact that it’s not in the Amazon because getting wood from the Amazon would be morally incorrect. We can also say that he probably needs a place where trees and other materials naturally regenerate, so he can sustain the production of decorations and toys at a high efficiency.
This leads me to my next point: Jeff Bezos is partnered with Santa. I believe that Santa is by far the richest man in the world because he can hire so many elves—or at least I hope he’s actually paying those elves so they don’t have to rely on welfare. Thus, I believe Santa pumps money to Jeff Bezos and, in return, gets products from Amazon to make decorations.
But back to finding where all the decorations go. I can confirm, through my research, that Amazon’s drones mask as “birds” when in reality, those “birds” are just keeping our Christmas decorations in the sky. It just makes sense when you think about it. Birds, specifically the geese at Loomis, always fly in packs.
This, I believe, is supposed to lower our suspicions toward them because in our minds, they are “migrating” when in reality, those birds are taking our Christmas decorations into our homes just in time for the holiday season. And when all of the geese poop down in the meadows, they’re really just keeping us away from them as they fix some of the Christmas lights that are always flickering.
It’s truly amazing how well Santa keeps this secret from us. I always knew that man was up to something, but I never knew that he would lie to all of society about BIRDS. I just hope Dr. Culbert doesn’t find out, or she might have to delete her Instagram account.