Cereal: Why it’s Better than Dining Hall Food

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William Chun '25, Contributor

Cereal is the food of kings and queens. It’s the apex predator of the “food chain,” and nothing even comes close to it…except for one beast: Flik Dining. Over the years, they’ve expanded their territory, trained soldiers, and brainwashed kids—and those kids are us.
Over time, the popularity of cereal eaten in the Loomis Chaffee dining hall has gone down. More and more people are choosing Flik, and it’s a huge problem.
“It’s a huge ecological disaster that’s detrimental to our society,” said Jahiem Harvey ’25.
When the cereal consumption quantity, otherwise known as the CCQ, goes down, Loomis experiences a huge decline in grades, happiness, and health. That’s right folks, cereal is healthy! Jahiem affirmed, “Yes, cereal is healthy, especially the milk.”
Sadly, the dining hall often runs short of milk throughout the day.
“What do you do when there’s no milk?”
Jahiem sighed, “When there’s no milk, you just don’t eat cereal. I’d never eat dry cereal. Without milk, cereal cannot be!”
“What about cereal with water?”
With a look of disgust, Jahiem responded, “Cereal with water, huh? God never made them to be!”
Many citizens of the Island are skeptical about dining hall food. Ryan Che ’24 said, “Overly speaking, the dining hall is nah! On Sundays, though, it’s okay.”
Jahiem gave a rebuttal, saying, “There isn’t anything wrong with [dining hall food]. I think it’s just me. When I try to stomach the food, it just doesn’t go down.”
There are mixed opinions, but on some days, cereal just seems like the logical option. However, the question of health is huge. Ryan responded, “Some cereals just have way too much sugar. The best cereal is from China. We have a type of cereal where you just add water. It’s very healthy but tastes horrible!”
Mixing various cereals is also a debate among critics. “You should, but at the same time, you shouldn’t. If you mix, then mix everything,” said Ryan.
The type of milk used is also critical to a person’s cereal experience. Jahiem said, “Chocolate milk and cereal never work out! If you mix chocolate milk and cereal, you’re a madman.” Well, I guess Ryan is one; He responded with, “Cereal and chocolate milk? Let’s go, baby!”
The cereal population slowly declines as we speak. Although cereal is an apex predator, the Flik menace competes with it, stealing resources and space. Cereal needs us, and we need you.