How to Decorate for Halloween

Sally Hayes '25, Contributors

With Halloween quickly approaching, you are probably searching for some spooky decorations. Don’t worry; you’ve found the place with the perfect, scary, and trendy ideas.
The first thing to know is that witches are totally out. People will be decorating their porches with only broomsticks this year.
Traditionally, Halloween costumes have focused on witches, ignoring how utterly terrifying brooms are. A bristle could scratch you, or you could be accidentally whacked with it by your panicked roommate before Sunday room inspections.
The second thing to know is that Jack-o’-lanterns have also gone out the window. Instead, people are saving pumpkin guts and seeds and leaving them in piles on their porches.
For decades we have overlooked how truly terrifying the insides of pumpkins are. They are smelly, slimy, sticky, and filled with obscure seeds. People will run away screaming at the sight of your house’s creepy decorations.
This brings me to my final point: do not decorate with skeletons. The muscle structure is going to be a key factor in this year’s decorations. It has been discovered that the stretchy ligaments all throughout our bodies are far scarier than a fully decomposed human body. What could possibly be worse than finding the entire human muscular system lying washed up on a beach instead of a pirate’s skeleton?
If you follow this guide to Halloween decorations in 2021, you should be the best-looking house on the block come Sunday, October 31.