The Communist Ideology of Daylight Saving Time

Eric Sun '22, Contributor

In 1895, a fine New Zealand man named Geoge Hudson came up with the brilliant idea to shift time itself by two hours so he could have more hours of the sun to catch bugs… and now we are stuck with the awful predicament that is daylight savings. Do not fall for the vile, communist ideologies of New Zealand.

As we all know, New Zealand is a socialist state which aims to spread Communism (among its other main exports of dairy products, meat, wood, fruit, and more). Of course, we know this is true because communism is when the government runs things, so what can be more communist than the government forcing everybody to turn back time?

It is of utmost importance that we, as the free, liberated state of the United States of America, finally quell this insidious beast that is daylight savings time. It is a ploy used by communists to tire Americans out by forcing us to undergo the mental gymnastics of turning our clocks by an hour. We all know it requires a Ph.D. to operate the delicate machinery of microwave clocks and changing the time on the control panel of cars. In fact, I’d posit that the unjust burden of Americans to uphold this tradition is the primary cause of mental trauma and the rise in depression in American youths today.

This increased confusion is supplemented by the extremely complex mechanism of specifying what time it is. When you write a time and send an email, do you put EST or EDT? Any daylight you’ve saved by turning your clocks back is totally wasted by all the anguish figuring out how to now properly label time.

Is it not what God desired, for all humans to promptly wake and follow the natural order of the hours of the day? To defy the wishes of God and suggest humanity’s power to shift the hourglass of time is sacrilege. We must recognize that the will of God is above all, and surpasses all—penance will come if we continue to ridicule the might of the Sun.

Break the delusion of daylight savings, and exit the cave.