How to Beat the Stock Market Game in Eight Easy Steps

Henry Cassidy '22, Contributor

Are you looking to dominate the Loomis Stock Market Challenge but don’t know where to start? Lucky for you, here are eight tips straight from Wall Street to triple your net worth in a month.

1. Watch The Wolf of Wall Street.
2. Promise Mr. Denunzio half of your winnings if he boosts your rank.
3. Follow Elon Musk on Twitter.
4. Any stock recommendation on r/wallstreetbets is a winner.
5. Throw all your money into Tesla and pray.
6. Join the game then don’t invest. You’ll be ahead of the 62 players with a negative net worth.
7. Insider trading is only illegal with real holdings.
8. Hack the leader’s account and replace their name with yours.