Back To School Horoscopes!

Mercuri Lam '24, Contributor

ARIES
It’s back to school season, and with that comes your unstoppable desire to take on new things. But when the 50 different emails from clubs start flooding in on top of schoolwork, you realize that you have dug your own grave. Did you really want to do so much, or were you just impulsive?

TAURUS
Adjustment to the new schedule has been difficult and you are finding it challenging to plant your feet on the ground after months of responsibility-free summer. You’re just in too much chaos for school and you can’t find the right headspace to study unless there are snacks—and even then you end up eating instead.

GEMINI
Balancing friends and school is hard, especially through a computer screen. You end up procrastinating until you get a spurt of energy at 1 AM. At this point, your normal sleep schedule is a thing of the past, and dodging deadlines has become your new-norm. (At least you look great while procrastinating. Go off.)

CANCER
Your notes this year look like something out of Pinterest, MUJI pens, and all. But are you really retaining all that info, or are you too busy making your notes aesthetic? The masterpiece in your notebook makes you happy though. It’s helping you cope.

LEO
You are doing well in all your studies, surprisingly, despite cracking jokes in every. single. class. The stress has totally bodied your mental health and you probably have given up at this point, but you’re just glad to have something to do again.

VIRGO
Where do I begin…..It’s day one but your work is already on day five. Your planner is filled to the brim with events, projects, and club activities. You probably have a 4.2 GPA without actually trying. But you may need to slow down—it’s only been three weeks and you’ve already used up all your lined paper.

LIBRA
Honestly, you’re just chilling. How are you on TikTok in class and not get in trouble? You might be complaining about the homework a bit too much though. Could’ve spent that time actually doing it–just saying. As the class clown, you might be more focused on socializing than learning, but please don’t ignore that essay that’s due tomorrow.

SCORPIO
You have no interest in in-class mingling, and you are honestly too busy trying to decipher what’s going on inside other people’s heads. It’s week 2 and you’ve already given up on school (and on life…). It’s a miracle when you actually finish work on time, even though you probably just winged it at that point. And somehow, teachers still end up liking you. It’s a real wonder.

SAGITTARIUS
You are all about the school spirit but couldn’t care less about your actual course load. To be honest, you care more about the teachers than you do the class itself. You come to have a good time and boost the vibe of the entire class. What? It’s already 8:29 AM, but you still haven’t gotten your daily bagel? Well, I guess office hours are a thing…

CAPRICORN
You’ve been in the same club for 3 years and even though you don’t like it, you’re back again. You won’t go outside your comfort zone and for what? Maybe one day you’ll actually step outside your box. For now, go back to studying quantum mechanics with your Virgo friend.

AQUARIUS
You can’t prepare, so you make stuff up in class, and barely pass by unscathed—the teacher is on to you. Your desk/backpack is full of random papers already, and you’re only 3 weeks into class! And wait……what did the math teacher say was homework again? Oh well, you’ll figure it out eventually.

PISCES
You probably understand the material but just can’t focus. Your notes probably consist of doodles of space and half-done calligraphy. You look down just to find out the “notes” you took are just… doodles of space and half done calligraphy (what a surprise). Maybe try actually listening in class instead of daydreaming? That’ll help you out a lot. Trust me, I know school is stressful, but crying won’t help you with your math homework (sadly).