A Student’s Daily Quarantine Schedule (HUMOR)

John Howley '21, Staff Writer

Day 52 of Quarantine – A Student, somewhere in the world.
8:02 – My alarms buzzed today at 7:15, 7:30, 7:45, and 8:00. I ignored each one until the final eight o’clock one was accompanied by the grating sound of my parents’ voices nagging me to wake up. I think I had a dream about throwing water on them as they slept as revenge. Was that a dream?

8:31 – Oh shoot, I fell back asleep! Probably on account of my exhausting morning routine where I scroll through TikTok until I feel bad about myself. Quick, I have to log onto my Chemistry class!

8:32 – I log on, my video off due to the apocalyptic tragedy that is my hair. Also, I haven’t changed my shirt in about three or four weeks, so I’m not exactly fashion ready. My teacher asks me politely to turn on my video. “Sorry, my wifi sucks right now,” I say. (It’s practically the new “my dog ate my homework”)

10:20 – Finally my free period! I’ve been dying for some free time. I decide to climb off of my mattress and acquaint myself with sunlight, my old friend. Recently, my skin had turned a paper white and it resembled that of a less attractive and vitamin-deficient vampire.

10:30 – Ew, I hate outside. What was I thinking?

12:20 – I’m gonna eat something now. Yeah, yeah I’m gonna. Let’s see what I have… Ok we have pasta. Some more pasta. A different kind of pasta. Oh, and an onion! Ok, let me work with this…

3:00 – Is there a God? Who and why am I? Are we in a simulation? Darn, this is the extenstential portion of my day. Oh, I should probably start my homework.

3:15 – Bad idea. Homework = bad, me = sad.

3:16 – You know what I haven’t done in a while? Showering. No, actually, watching Netflix. I hear the sound of the Netflix logo and I let out a long, pleasurable sigh. Ok, what to watch? Contagion? Too relevant. Tiger King? Too much. The Office for the eighteen thousand, four hundred and twenty third time? Sigh… If I insist.

4:00 – Ok, it’s time for bed. I think I’ll eat some uncooked pasta for some final bit of nutrition. Until tomorrow, that is. Wait, is tomorrow a Saturday or Tuesday? Either way, I know that despite the general dreariness of our situation, I’ll at least be able to log onto Zoom the next day and resume my life…that is, of course, if the Wi-Fi is working. “Get off the router, DAD!”