RePrint Melange: Funny Headlines

By Liam Scott ’19

Study Reveals Correlation Between Students’ Mood Swings and Lack of Their Favorite Cereal in the Dining Hall

“It’s really incredible,” the researcher said. “Students who love Cinnamon Toast Crunch are considerably more depressed or more prone to mood swings when Cinnamon Toast Crunch is not available.” A Cinnamon Toast Crunch-lover was also available to comment. “I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Honestly, sometimes it’s all I have left, so when it isn’t even there, yeah, I get upset. Wouldn’t you get upset if your favorite thing in the world was just taken away?” The researcher added that her next study will explore the impact of the availability of toast on students’ mood.

Jaded Seniors Laugh as Juniors Struggle to Apply for as Many Leadership Positions as Possible

“It’s hilarious!” a Palmer senior chuckled. “I mean, can you smell the stress? The juniors are so desperate! They’re trying to get every position– RA, Peer Counselor, Head Tour Guide, PSO President, Writing Studio, everything! I’d feel bad if I wasn’t already broken down by the college process. And do you know what makes this even funnier? The fact that there isn’t a lot of space on the Common App to list your extracurriculars, so most of the stuff these juniors are struggling to apply for won’t even fit in their application.”